Dealing with dummies. Application Support Analyst

Full Time London London IT Job Pro UK

We won’t lie. You will hear “What’s my login?” one trillion times, and you will have to say, “Have you tried turning it off and on again?” with a straight face.

It’s not rocket science, which is why this helpdesk support role pays 35K not 350K but we’ll throw in private medical insurance and a generous pension contribution.

You’ll be dealing with clients’ issues, from the first ticket to resolution. And, of course, you’ll be dealing with dummies who think toolkits are what Dad keeps in the garage, and who don’t know networks from nachos. That’s pretty much all you’ll do, day in, day out, so if you’d rather eat your own face than be polite to people every damn day, stop reading.

Still here? Cool. We also need you to document every step. So explain stuff to clients, and write it down. Officially, this is “retaining system knowledge”. Really it’s so when someone deletes the wrong thing and plunges of Europe into darkness, you can prove you didn’t tell ’em to do it.

To sum up so far:

• Answer the damn phone or email, log the damn tickets and help the damn client.

• Don’t swear or say stuff like “hybrid cloud” unless you want to freak them out.

• Prioritise. If someone says, “I’ve deleted the wrong thing and plunged half of Europe into darkness,” put ’em ahead of someone whose Instagram is freezing.

• Pass the buck. No, really. If you can’t resolve the issue, escalate it to Sales, Accounts, Management or upper line support. None of them will thank you for this, so buy them drinks when we go out, even though all of them will be paid more than you.

• Maintain a knowledge base and suggest ideas for improvement. Keep these work-related for the probation period, then try asking for at-desk massages and in-house baristas. You won’t get them, but it’ll be slightly harder for us to fire you.

Don’t bother applying unless you have, or can convincingly lie about having:

• 3yr+ experience on a technical and client-focused support desk.

• 3yr+ customer service experience in any sector.

• a logical approach to resolving functional and technical issues.

• the ability to assess and document client issues, user experiences and processes.

• a professional phone and email manner.

• the ability to talk to people at different levels, with diverse backgrounds, without sighing or asking if they were dropped on their head as a baby.

• experience of being accountable in a small team and the ability to work independently.

• understanding of data protection and compliance principles, namely GDPR.

We need you to be organized, systematic, a good communicator, a problem-solver, proactive, reliable and able to prioritise. You need to know Office 365 too – but, let’s face it, even your grandma can work Outlook, Word and Excel these days.

If you can do all that, you’re halfway through the door. If you can do all that, and you have experience of Windows applications, basic networking, remote assistance software and support portals, and conceptualising system frameworks and impacts, maybe those massages and baristas will happen.*

*They won’t.

Interested? please send us a CV and be sure to include a covering letter. That's right you don't go fishing without a hook. We look forward to hearing from you

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